在瑞诗凯诗(印度最主要的瑜伽静修圣地）参加这次培训，我与200名准备成为新瑜伽老师的学生交流。Being in Rishikesh on this training, I interact with a ton of 200 hr students who are preparing to become new teachers.
当我听到他们表示担心和忧虑，忧虑自己的第一次施教，我忍不住笑了，因为我在反思我自己的旅程。我害怕当我第一次开始讲课时，那些日子，当我得知必须在导师面前献丑时，我非常惧怕。As I listen to them express their worries Å angst of teaching for the first time- i can't help but to smile in recognition of that fear as I reflect on my own journey.I was TERRIFIED to teach when I first began.And I absolutely dreaded those days in YTT when I knew we'd have to practice teach in front of our instructors.
有些时候，当我走到前面的时候，我会害怕被恐惧所吓倒。即使在完成课程之后，我也让这种恐惧统治了我很长时间。我自己的压力会让班级死气沉沉。There were times I would literally black out with fear the moment I stepped to the front.And I let this fear rule me for quite a long time even after I completed the course.My own stress suffocated any joy that might result from leading a class.
我实际上越来越不喜欢这个教学过程，因为我不得不将它与那种极度恐慌和焦虑的感觉联系起来; 自我怀疑。我讨厌听自己的声音连续一个小时。我不停地想，“如果它不够好怎么办？如果人们不喜欢我给予的东西会怎么样？”我站在自己的立场上无法自拔。I actually grew to really dislike the teaching processal together, as I couldn't help but to associate it with that feeling of extreme panic Å self-doubt.I hated listening to the sound of my own voice for an hour straight.I couldn't stop thinking, "what if it's not good enough?What if people don't like what I have to offer?"I absolutely &completely stood in my own way.
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因为这样，这并非我想要教的东西，我扪心自问？ 一天晚上，我在一次特别强大的冥想中意识到这一点，似乎突然间揭开了一层面纱 - 我觉得我终于看清了情况。And for that, I wasn't practicing what I was meant to be teaching, was I? I came to this realization during an especially powerful meditation one evening &as if a veil had suddenly been lifted-I felt that I was finally looking at the situation clearly.
我接受了一个事实，我的学员来了第一次就不来了，因为我的风格根本不会和每个人产生共鸣。这超出了我的控制范围，我能控制什么呢？尽我所能。创造一个安全的环境和安全的序列，让人们探索自己的每一个方面。最重要的是，毫无保留的展示给我的学员。I accepted the fact that there WILL be people who will come to my class once & then never again-because my style simply won't resonate with everyone. That's out of my control.What's in my control? To do my best.To create a safe environment & safe sequences for people to explore every aspect of themselves.And most importantly- to show up completely for my students.
我意识到了所有这些——我能做到。我做到了。现在，我对教学的热情远远超出了我的想象。同个人实践一样，它是富有挑战性的、有价值的、绝对是无限的。别误会我的意思，我还是时不时会感到紧张。I realized that all of these things- I can do.And so I did.Now, my passion for teaching exceeds well beyond what I ever imagined it to be.The same as a personal practice- it's challenging,rewarding & absolutely limitless.Don't get me wrong, I still get nervous from time to time.
但是，我只是设法改变了我对这种反应的看法，我仍相信紧张是好事，因为这意味着你在乎。But the thing is, l've just managed to change my perspective on this reaction instead.I believe that being nervous is good, because it means that you CARE.